As I am gainfully employed in the workforce five days a week from 9:00 AM to 5:30PM, I’ve come to appreciate the celebrated last day of the work week and the familiar and joy filled slogan of “Thank God it’s Friday”.  Having had my own business for so many years, I had forgotten that end of the week feeling of release that comes after feeling like I ran a race to the finish line, aka,TGIF.  It’s strange how I never thought of things like this as an entrepreneur, but then again, having your own business means working all the time.

It’s been several weeks since my last blog and it’s been called to my attention that I have a fan base that’s grown to a surprising proportion. Thank you for acknowledging this blog. I had been in a very dark place and as of this entry I’m resurfacing to enter into a new paradigm of my life here on mother earth.  My mojo has returned and although life as I’ve known it is quite different, I’m no longer kicking and screaming on a daily basis. “it is what it is,” is my mantra of choice.  So although I have a “real job” now, and  no longer live in the land of possibility, I’m OK and I will be blogging ritually once again because I have a lot to say!

At the tender age of eleven playing basketball and winning to go on to the finals is very important.  Sometimes, even though you and your team play well, have the right moves and play with heart, you just aren’t as good as the other team…this time.  Life lessons are tough to swallow at eleven.  There’s always tomorrow, and another game and a chance to be a winner which is a good thought to keep in mind. But how do you explain the loss of a child.  My dear friends just lost there beautiful young daughter from a blood clot in the lung.  In a flash this healthy, talented amazing young woman was gone. Are there any words to express the pain of this tragedy?  Does something this horrible happening help us with reminding ourselves how precious life is?  I don’t know the answer to this question but I called my son tonight to tell him how much I love him.

I’ve started a new job and after being an entrepreneur for most of my adult life I am currently working for a family company as a sales rep. The people I work with are nice and seem fine with the day to day aspect of the job.  It’s a simple environment with no windows, an antiquated IBM DOS System to work from and a phone that rarely stops ringing. The products sold are something people need, which in these challenging times, the company is in good shape.  My trainers have been generous with their time in teaching the “new girl” the product line, the order taking process and the computer inputting. The job starts at 9:00 AM and ends at 5:30 PM and staff is gone by 5:31 PM.  There’s something comforting about knowing what you need to do, doing it and leaving.  It’s really nice to not take work home knowing there are no threatening phone calls or nighttime emergencies to deal with and weekends are free and clear.  This is not an emotional job.  It is simply a job that fulfills a client request without angst, creativity or public speaking.  It is a job however that should one have a modicum of common sense, success will come quicker than being clueless.  So dear Blog Readers, I am happy to say I possess a considerable amount of common sense so I will embrace the mundane with alacrity and withhold  my creativity for after hours, weekends and my blog.

My son has always been a special needs child.  Having to cope with Attention Deficit Disorder has been a tremendous challenge for the entire family.  Although he is a very talented artist, school was never his forte.  There’s something very difficult about getting the work done on time and complete that has mystified my kid for most of his academic career.  He is now on what we thought would be the home stretch of his college years, but finishing may not be in the stars for this twenty-five year old gamer.  a mother to do?  I don’t have the answers.  I tell him to do whatever it takes, one step at a time, just get it done.  He tells me how unmotivated he is and why bother. I can’t make it better for him and I don’t know if he really understands how the choices he makes now will follow him for the rest of his life.  He is the child of my heart and all I can do is love him unconditionally and pray that will be enough for him to empower his own dreams for the life he’s yet to live.

I keep asking myself, how do I start from scratch?  My answer is, just move forward one step at a time.  I am not unique.  So many people I know, read about and hear about are starting over these days. Whether it’s from natural disasters, financial hardship, debilitating illness or loss of a love one, no one gets through life without some strife or struggle.  There is always a lesson to be learned from emotional or physical trauma.  I cannot tell you what I’ve learned from mine yet, but I’m still in the process and it has not been easy to talk about.  One of the comforts that I have discovered during this tough time is hypnotherapy.  This reprograming of the subconscious mind to allow for a new way of thinking has been great and has allowed me to move past the times when I am stuck in the mud of self doubt and self loathing.  Another comfort is the warmth and kindness of friends and family.  Those individuals who don’t judge, talk, advise or try to fix are my angels. They keep showing up with treats, unconditional love and limitless support.  I now yearn for a simple life with no credit cards, minimal responsibility and achievable goals.  I have been restructuring my value system and altering my personal expectations being grateful to wake up in the morning feeling the joy of another day. I feel blessed to go to a good job where I can achieve daily goals, return home to a loving husband and enjoy the security, familiarity and safety of my home. It is time for me to pull in, heal and get in control.  I know I can do this one step at a time.

Sometimes it takes someone I love and trust to snap be back into who I truly am and voila, life is grand again!  I have gotten so caught up in the drama and the story of failure and self loathing that it’s literally making me  sick.  After being an entrepreneur for thirty years, I’ve gotten so scared to make a decision for fear it’s too risky, that I’ve been looking at working in a sales job for someone else.  This isn’t a bad idea, in fact I know I can do well whatever I choose, but making a decision out of fear is absurd for a natural born risk taker.  This is who I am.  I like saying yes and then I figure out how to do it, how to make it work, how to make it thrive…I have so much love in my life and for that I am eternally grateful.  There have been drastic changes occurring in my life and I know in my soul that I will survive, prosper and then write  a book about having faith, keeping positive and making lemonade out of lemons.  So, to my small but miraculous blog readers out there, thanks for your support and confidence in me.  It’s my time to boogie and get in touch with the magic.  Can you feel it?

The television interview of the Colorado Medium Mom got my attention.  While in college in Florida, this nice Jewish girl went through a serious depression and began journaling her feelings. Suddenly out of the great beyond she began to get messages from her grandmother who knew about depression and wanted to save her granddaughter from descending further to the lower depths of this horrible disease.  These messages enabled her to see and talk to dead people. She currently charges $500.00 a session to provide grief stricken clients communication and completion with their departed loved ones.  Why can’t I do that?  Both my grandmothers were intuitives, both are in spirit, and both adored me.  Why do some people just have the gift to tap into that cosmic consciousness?  If only I could tap into that melange of clairvoyant synchronicity where messages are illuminated and shared with love and intention.  I am finding myself disappearing into a dark place where no light beings have messages for me to absorb or exchange.  What makes something extraordinary happen?  When you least expect it or when you pray for a miracle to occur,  life has a way of showing up with surprising results.  Should I find myself disappearing into that dark place I will remember to bring a flashlight so I can find my way back, or perhaps my grandmothers will guide me back to my safe place.

The energy was clean, clear, direct with a purpose.  The gentlemen were friends, business associates, accomplished and smart.  The ambiance was authentic, unpretentious, and workable.  It’s hard to find the quality ones anymore.  People are scared and rightfully so. The successful entrepreneurs have become a precious commodity. Just being creative is no longer enough to survive.  It takes much more to get on top and the rules of engagement have changed radically.  The half hour meeting lasted an hour and a half.  The questions were stimulating, educated and direct.  The answers were elegant, brilliant and genuine.  The wise men will speak, explore and conclude.  The wise men will speak when they’ve assessed, ingested and purged.  The movement will be deliberate and the time will be paced.  Nothing immediate until the wise men have spoken.  Our fate in their hands, and these hands are touched by god.  Things do work out, life will go on and the wise men will choose wisely!

Today I lost a diamond earring while playing with my family on the beach.  It was a chilly day, gray and overcast. I loved my earrings and had them for many years.  I felt angry at myself for wearing them, how stupid to wear diamond earrings to the beach!  I went back to look for the lost earring but, without one of those metal detectors it would be impossible to find.  It’s time to let go of such frivolous things. An earring is not what’s important, I know that, but what is the message for me?  What can I learn from this loss?  I suppose it’s time to let go of things and embrace that which is truly of value.  I thought I always did that or at least I always said I did.  In the end, I know that there is nothing I will be taking with me except the difference I’ve made in the lives of people I’ve profoundly touched.  I hope that the sum total of those good deeds and acts of kindness will be worth more than my diamond earring!